Oh to be English.

Let me be absolutely clear from the outset. If I reference 'the X factor' later on, I'm not talking about anything to do with the witless cretin that is Simon Cowell. I'm talking about an unknown ingredient; a mysterious chemical reaction and if we're lucky, a happy accident.

We all know why the England football team were recently so unsuccessful. Deep down, we all know it.

Instead though, we intellectualise it. It was Fabio's fault; if he'd put Gerrard in the middle it would have all been fine. Or; the players, they're not passionate enough, they're overpaid, they're not good enough. All rubbish.

We can win. We are good enough. It's not Capello's fault and Gerrard can play on the left. Gerrard could play right back if he needed to. Remember Istanbul?

There is something that has not been considered. We're trying to avoid playing our own game. As a country our citizens have no idea what it means to be English and similarly our footballers are trying play another country's game.

Surely the path to true enlightenment is understanding, acceptance and application. So let's work on understanding our own nature, accepting it and then applying ourselves.

In pure footballing terms, we all need to start loving the hulking great centre forward and trust our instincts to hit long hopeful balls as much as possible. Embrace the fact that we really can't be bothered to dribble our way out of defence like the Italians. We are just going to lump it forward and trust that the big man will knock it down for a quick easy goal.

The spirited performance comes out every now and again. When it does we are so surprised. England 5 - Germany 1. We catch a fleeting glimpse of how we want England to really play and we like it. We like it because we are being ourselves. We are connecting. The chemical reaction, the happy accident.

The X factor. (Simon Cowell is still a parlous twat)